21 Eggs!!

First off, I want to thank everyone who has and continues to pray for us. I have had so many phone calls, text messages, and fb posts and I am so grateful for all the support we have gotten from our awesome friends and family.

We are thrilled to be starting out with 21 eggs this time, it's definitely the most we've ever had.  The embryologist will be calling me in a little bit to give me more of a break down of how many are actually mature and and starting the fertilization process. Having 21 eggs inside of me explains a little bit of why I haven't been feeling great these past couple days....but so worth it! :)

The morning started off a little rough, we went back and it took them 4 sticks to finally get my IV in and going. Then I went in the procedure room and remember them  putting oxygen in my nose, sticking things on me, putting lots of blankets on me, and looking at monitors. I started praying for God to have his way and that no matter what happens at the end of this, "I am yours Lord." I don't remember much after that other than when I woke up I was in a lot of pain. I was cramping really bad, Brad could tell I was hurting and he rubbed my back, prayed for me and was singing to me. He then went and asked the doctor if I could have some pain medication and they had me drink water and eat crackers before they gave me some to take. He has been absolutely amazing today and even though it's been a rough day I am so thankful for him and everything he has done to make me feel more comfortable today. It's not an experience that I would prefer to go through but it definitely has only made our relationship stronger and really shown me just how much he loves and cares for me. I am so blessed to have him!

It's been a little bit harder leaving Lexi so much this time because she vocalizes how much she misses me and I hate that. I think most moms can relate no matter where you are in life you have mom guilt. :(  I just want her to always know that no matter how many other kids we have or what we go through to get them my love for her will never change. I took this pic of her this morning, she knew we were going to the hospital and was a little sad to leave us but I told her nana was taking her to get a Donut so she perked up and gave me this cute little pose. :)

Please keep the prayers coming, from here on out the Embryologist will call me everyday to let me know how our embryos are doing and how many we have left each day so I will post as we find out, he will for sure implant two. My transfer date is set for this coming Tuesday and then the next week we find out if I'm pregnant!! The worst part is behind us, Hallelujah!!

Trigger Shot

Today has been kind of a rough day, I woke up in the middle of the night not feeling good and it's pretty much lasted all day. Brad came home cooked, cleaned and took Lexi to gymnastics so I could relax and get some rest. I hate missing her gymnastics but everything is aching right now so it just wasn't happening for me tonight. Lexi has been so sweet today, praying for me and telling me she is proud of me. She has been my little cheerleader through all this, she is so stinking smart!

I had to take my antibiotic tonight and then I will do my trigger shot at 10:15. The nurse called today and said we need to be there at 8:30 Thursday for the egg retrieval...I am so ready to be done with this part but thankful that we have the opportunity to do this. Praying for good results Thursday!

Egg Retrieval Thursday!

I had my appointment this morning and I was a little disappointed, I had a lot of follicles but only two were mature. In order to go in to the ER I have to have at least four that are mature eggs, I have always had this problem so I kinda felt like they might cancel the cycle and make me start over but the nurse called this afternoon and said that the doctor wants me to continue my shots for tonight and then they will call me tomorrow with details for my ER on Thursday. The doctor thinks the follicles that I have on the border will cross over in the next couple days and give me more mature eggs to extract. So, we are getting super excited!! With Lexi I had 14 eggs and the 2nd time I had 17 so we are hoping that a lot mature and we get around the same number, the more we have to play with the better our chances! My mom reminded me after my appointment this morning that God only needs one egg he doesn't care about numbers like doctors...so thankful for a mamma who not only encourages me but encourages me in the Lord. Love you mom!

Lexi has been asking to listen to the John Waller song, "While I'm Waiting." So, I downloaded it on my phone and we play it every time we are in the car and she says she can't wait to have her baby sissy, her faith puts me to shame! I love the words to this song they resonate so deep within my soul, if you are waiting on God it's an awesome song to listen too! They actually have a version dedicated to infertility couples I posted below which of course I think is awesome!

http://youtu.be/FWI-iZsIKIk

So here we go, tonight is my last night of three shots then tomorrow Brad will give me my trigger shot that will release all my eggs and Thursday we will go in for the Egg Retrieval. In a couple weeks I could be pregnant, so close yet so far away! Brad got me this awesome phone case because he is the best husband ever and because he knows I will need the reminder over and over these next few weeks of craziness!

More Shots....

We got home from Lexi's basketball game and had a big package full of more shots on our porch. Awesome! :) Since my follicles aren't as big as the Doctor would like them to be I had to order a few more nights worth of shots, which actually I was very happy to do because last time we came across this the Doctor just cancelled our cycle and made us start over and cycle the next month. So, I am really praying come Monday my follicles will be up to speed!!

Lexi was praying and she said, "Jesus, please give me a baby sister and my daddy a baby boy so he can be happy too." Then I got a little teary eyed so Lex started crying and Brad said, "Lord please give us a baby boy, I don't know if I can handle three emotional girls in the house." Ha! I told her it doesn't matter we will be happy with whatever God gives us we just need to pray for a healthy baby. :) Lexi volunteered yet again to pray before her basketball game this morning and prayed for her mommy to have a baby in her tummy! Ha! I am so proud of her and that she is bold in praying aloud and not afraid to share Jesus, I hope and pray that continues as she gets older.

Tonight we are going on a double date with my dad and Jennifer to eat at the plaza and see Sister Act so Lexi is going to grandma and grandpa's. The only hard thing about going out later at night is we have to bring the shots with us and keep them cold b/c I have to take them around the same time every night, which is kind of a pain but worth it! Excited to get dressed up and go out with my hubby tonight and try to get my mind off things. :)

I will post more Monday after my appointment....

Live by Faith and not by Sight

My appointment was okay today. I had a lot of follicles they just weren't very big (brings back so many memories). It seems like I have always had this problem so it wasn't a big surprise for me. The nurse just called and said my estradial level was at 1040 which is a big jump from Tuesday when it was in the 200's. Dr. Gelbach wants me to stay on the same dosage with all my shots and move my next appointment to this Monday instead of Sunday like originally planned so I can have an extra night of medicine before I go in again. He thinks because my estradial level shot up so much my follicles should start increasing in size rapidly....they have to be 18-20mm for them to be mature eggs and go into the ER. So, I am thinking based on today's appointment maybe next Thursday for the egg retrieval? 

I named this post based on the fact that I have had some people ask me why we are doing this again? Why don't we just adopt with so many kids that need homes or why do we want more than one? It's a really hard thing to explain and have people understand everything thing that goes into our decision making for choosing IVF. I was reading about Paul today and he was locked up in prison writing the book of Ephesians and how awesome our God is. He was in prison not in church or on a comfy couch at home...in prison.  In a weird way I feel like experiencing infertility is our prison, just like Paul was those days we are living by faith not by sight and I feel that in order to get where God wants me to be I have to go through things to grow my faith and really find my strength in him. I would NEVER wish this circumstance on anyone, I have spent many nights crying myself to sleep and wondering why me? But, I can also say in those moments of deep despair and my heart yearning to see that positive pregnancy I have had so many precious moments with the Lord, just being overtaken by his presence sitting in my living room, tears streaming down my face letting him comfort me like only he can. I am really clinging to my faith right now and trusting that he will see us through this to the end and write his story on my heart!! :)

Thanks again for all the love and support we have had these past couple days, we are blessed!!

Never say Never.....

So, here we go again for the 3rd go round in attempting IVF. Last time we did IVF we both felt pretty confident in knowing that the first time had given us Lexi and we fell in the age group that gives us a 70% chance of it working.We can look back and say, although, it was painful it just wasn't the right timing for us.

This time around, I am not sure how I feel. I don't feel over confident but I am praying for God to give me strength with every shot/appointment/procedure/phone call and that we can have victory at the end of this. Lexi is a little bit older this time around and she has been asking for a baby sister since my sister had Kayci, just starting to notice and wonder why she doesn't have siblings like her cousins and kids at school? The procedure is kind of a hard thing to explain to a 4 year old but after praying about it we felt like we should include her on this as much as her little mind can understand. She prays every night for mommy to feel better and get a baby in her tummy. She also holds my hand while we do the shots and makes sure I'm okay when we are done. I think in including her in all this we can show her no matter what the outcome if mommy does get a baby in her tummy or if mommy doesn't get a baby in her tummy, we always trust in the Lord for the answer. As she gets older she will of course understand more but she definitely likes being in the mix of things.

We started my shots last Friday and things have been going well other than the Menopur shot, I will be celebrating the last day of that stinking shot! It does help keep me more in control of my feelings with Lexi holding my hand telling me it will be okay...cutest thing ever. :) We all three join hands and Brad and Lexi pray over me before we do the shots. Lexi asked me the other night when I put her to bed when the baby was going to get in my belly so it could grow and then come out and play with her. Ha! I know her little world is going to change if things go as we hope and I think she will be a great big sister. My first appointment to check my follicles and estradial was Tuesday and everything checked out good. Tomorrow is my next appointment and we should find out more when our Egg Retrieval date might be next week. Seems crazy how long we have talked about doing this again and now it's here and everything is going so fast!

We are thankful for all the prayers and support of our family and friends and want to include you in our journey for another baby. :)