Live by Faith and not by Sight

My appointment was okay today. I had a lot of follicles they just weren't very big (brings back so many memories). It seems like I have always had this problem so it wasn't a big surprise for me. The nurse just called and said my estradial level was at 1040 which is a big jump from Tuesday when it was in the 200's. Dr. Gelbach wants me to stay on the same dosage with all my shots and move my next appointment to this Monday instead of Sunday like originally planned so I can have an extra night of medicine before I go in again. He thinks because my estradial level shot up so much my follicles should start increasing in size rapidly....they have to be 18-20mm for them to be mature eggs and go into the ER. So, I am thinking based on today's appointment maybe next Thursday for the egg retrieval? 

I named this post based on the fact that I have had some people ask me why we are doing this again? Why don't we just adopt with so many kids that need homes or why do we want more than one? It's a really hard thing to explain and have people understand everything thing that goes into our decision making for choosing IVF. I was reading about Paul today and he was locked up in prison writing the book of Ephesians and how awesome our God is. He was in prison not in church or on a comfy couch at home...in prison.  In a weird way I feel like experiencing infertility is our prison, just like Paul was those days we are living by faith not by sight and I feel that in order to get where God wants me to be I have to go through things to grow my faith and really find my strength in him. I would NEVER wish this circumstance on anyone, I have spent many nights crying myself to sleep and wondering why me? But, I can also say in those moments of deep despair and my heart yearning to see that positive pregnancy I have had so many precious moments with the Lord, just being overtaken by his presence sitting in my living room, tears streaming down my face letting him comfort me like only he can. I am really clinging to my faith right now and trusting that he will see us through this to the end and write his story on my heart!! :)

Thanks again for all the love and support we have had these past couple days, we are blessed!!